Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Guantlet - don't miss it.

i know BSG makes mention of it every now and then, but this season's
Real World/Road Rules Gauntlet on MTV is the Final Product. They've
finally nailed down a perfect competitive format, with members of the
losing team each week forced to fight to the death for the right to
stay. And the personalities that have risen to the top are superb.
At the top of the Rookie Guys is Alton, already a legend for setting
the world record for hook-ups and sleezy behavior in the mythic Vegas
season. Turns out, he's at LEAST as good an athlete as a pimp, because
as the team captain (who is required to do the death-battles every
week) he's like Lance Armstrong. As BSG says, "he is taking us all to
a new level."
Opposed to him, as the Veteran's captain, is the tiny, wiry,
pitbull-like Derrick. He's a small, punk of a guy who lets nobody -
nobody - step on him. Derrick was last seen a season ago beating Brad,
who he gives up 50 lbs to, in a monster-tackle drill Inferno. I can't
overstate how amazing that contest was, and how close it was
(literally, after 10 minutes of bloodthirsty rage, a ball needed to go
in a hoop for Brad to win, and it lipped-out). SC-ND wasn't as good as
Brad-Derrick. So now Derrick is center stage, and through sheer
force-of-asshole, he's great.
If there's an Alton-Derrick showdown at the end of this, it'll be
bigger than Game 7, '03.
But on the girls side, you've got the rise and rise of Beth - a
36-year-old, completely narcicistic whiny bitch roundly despised by
everyone on the show. you knew where Beth stood in previous seasons,
when Tanya threw all of Beth's clothes in the pool and nobody stuck up
for her. Well, now she is the captain for the Vet girls, after a great
turn of events: the Vet girls voted her into the Gaunlet, hoping that
Ruthie - year in, year out, the most respected, loved and athletic of
any of the chicks - would take her out. In so doing, they let slide
the useless Montana and Ainesha, both of whom do nothing but whine, and
aren't half the athlete that Beth is. A horrible gamble by the chicks,
motivated by pure bitchyness.
But when they spun The Wheel, Beth got to choose the event and,
outweighing Ruthie by probably 40 lbs, she chose tug of war. In a
great Guantlet, she used her flabby mass to wear down Ruthie and -
whammo - sent Ruthie home and took over the Captain's spot.
If VY had blown out his knee on the first snap of the Rose Bowl,
UT's sideline would not have deflated as completely as the Vets did.
If the Lost plane had crashed on the beach at that moment, they
wouldn't have reacted. A fantastic moment.

So since then, Derrick made quick work of Ace in a wrestling match
and Beth sent home Montana in another tug of war, giving her an air of
invincibility that clearly has the rest of the team reeling.

And it's only going to get better, because the weak players are pretty
much gone, meaning the Gauntlets from here on will only be more
competitive. Looming in front of Alton is the Philly Cast two-some,
the huge and capable Landon and ex-Vanderbilt wide reciever, MJ. MJ,
taller and leaner than anybody else, is playing it cool, staying low
key and just executing. We'll see what happens when the crowd
continues to thin.
For Derrick, a rematch with Brad is a real possibility.
On the girls side, Beth is clearly now in Munich mode, one by one
taking down the bitches who sold her out.

And, of course, they all get drunk and hook up every episode, too. Of
course. Catch a marathon to get caught up - it's fantastic.

UPDATE: Latest episode was subpar. Very little social drama, and the
rookie chicks went to the guantlet, again, that's good since they
needed some thinning out, but they are a pretty bloodless group.

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